My mum sadly passed away in 2014. Of course, a very emotional time. One of the hardest things is all the stuff you have to do once your loved one has died. All the stuff with tax, banks, settlements and dealing with solicitors and sorting out funeral arrangements , it all comes flying at you and you really don’t want to have to deal with any of it. But you have to!!
My brothers and I arranged a beautiful funeral and service for Mum. She was a musician and had many friends where she lived. Also she played in many orchestras and ensembles and the service was a musically tribute to her.
As a daughter, I was asked if I wanted to do a eulogy. The thought of standing up and saying words in front of all those people was terrifying so I decided to write a piece of music for her and performed it there instead.
It was quite strange because at the end people came up and said how beautiful it was and how well I played. Kind of felt odd as it wasn’t a gig, as such.
A lot of people asked me to if they could get a recording of the piece and only four years later managed to put something down. So will share this. Grief takes a long time and time does heal and it does become easier. There isn’t really a day that goes by where you don’t think about that person or persons. Also its odd, as you just get on with your daily life and something good happens and you say to yourself , “I’m going to call Mum and tell her that.” Then it hits you like a ton of bricks, that you can’t! Its frustrating and doesn’t make sense!!!
I wrote a poem called Death that deals with those feelings that you get. Sorry hope its not too depressing!!
Death is final
Death is it
It’s not coming back.
There’s nowhere to put it
Not a drawer or a shelf
It’s just gone.
There’s actually no feeling for it
It’s void like a black hole
To try feeling it will not be it
Just lots of other things in a twist
Nothing quite puts its finger on it.
Its a word, that’s all,
No reason for it.
Want it to be a thing.
Something I can handle and hold,
Punch it, scream at it.
But nothing is there
Just endless questions
and no answers.
How can you have something
Then its gone?
Where did come from
And where is it going?
No sense to it.
We are not designed to cope with the pain
the pain is indescribable, gnawing away.
Just ride it through, hope it subsides.